feminism

No Misogyny in Gaming, huh?

Posted by diana

Read this and tell me there is no misogyny in games: Anita Sarkeesian Says she Was Driven out of House by Death Threats

Read this and tell me women are treated fairly and respectfully: Anti-Feminist Internet Targets “Depression Quest” game creator, Zoe Quinn

Because, clearly, the way to deal with uppity women is to threaten them with bodily harm until they shut-up. Or accuse them of promiscuity instead of recognizing that they may-just, possibly, may-have made a good game. Because the only way a game designed by a woman could succeed is if she slept with men to get them to promote her. (Which then touches on all of our fucked up issues around sex and female sexuality, but that’s an even bigger topic).

Let’s talk about the threats Jennifer Hepler got while working at Bioware. Or the general rage directed at Bioware for *gasp* portraying characters with non-hetero sexuality. Let’s talk about the “One Reason Why” phenomenon, that finally provided women in gaming a place to speak openly about the bs we get put through. You want evidence? You want proof that this shit happens? Open your eyes.

That Whole Privilege Thing

Posted by diana

I realize a middle class white girl talking about privilege can go really, really wrong. I’m hoping that isn’t the case here. Quite frankly, I’m terrified of making an ass of myself. Which is why I’ve said nothing for a long time. Which is actually (heh) pretty privileged of me. I can afford to sit back and say nothing.

This isn’t for people who already know what privilege is and where they stand on that scale. This is for those friends who don’t really get what this “privilege” stuff is all about. The friends who may have heard the word tossed around, but never realized it applied to their lives (hint: it applies to everyone). Or the friends who’ve never heard the word tossed around, and are completely confused about why anyone would need to write about it. Mostly, this is for people who are privileged and don’t know it.

Okay. So. First off, if someone says you’re privileged, don’t get pissed off. Even if they sound angry or you think they’re insulting you, don’t get pissed off. There are a bunch of reasons for this:

  1. You may actually be privileged. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. That doesn’t make you evil or awful. That just means you have opportunities others don’t. There’s nothing wrong with appreciating those opportunities. And there’s quite a lot wrong with taking them for granted.
  2. Frustration often sounds like anger, and it often feels personal. Just as you want the chance to vent and be heard, so do other people. Give them the same kind of tolerance you’d want. Understand that they’ve faced challenges you don’t know about. Try listening.
  3. Giving in to anger almost always means you’ve lost your ability to think logically. Anger has a place, just don’t make it your first recourse. Wars, divorces, arguments… a lot of these things happen when they don’t need to because someone went to anger as their first response.

It may not feel like you were privileged, but take another look and really think about it. If you’d asked me 15 years ago if I was privileged, I might have laughed at you. And gotten defensive. And been an ass.

I am privileged. I’m white and middle class. I grew up in California, in an affluent area. My father is a physician. I had access to health care. My mom was a stay-at-home mom. I had access to schools. Fuck, I went to a private college. And I can (and will) point out that I could only afford it because of merit scholarships, because I’m damn proud of the work I did to get them… but the fact I even thought I could go to a college like that indicates a hell of a lot of privilege. And I had time in which to study or pursue extracurriculars so I could get that merit money. That time is a luxury. I never had to take a job to make ends meet when I was a kid or teen. My mom could drive me to debates because she had a car and she had time. She could also work with me on my homework and help me learn. Many things I took for granted when I was a kid were privileges I didn’t appreciate. Not then. Probably not enough now, either.

 

meme-privilege

The First Defense

One of the most common responses I’ve seen to people being told they’re privileged is to list off all the ways in which they aren’t. As if having some hardships means you can’t also have some advantages. It’s a false dichotomy.

It is possible to be both privileged and disadvantaged. All the things I listed above are ways in which I’m privileged. I’m disadvantaged by being female and Jewish. Where I live and grew up, it was more being female that was a disadvantage. The Jewish thing, while it crops up from time to time, hasn’t often been an issue for me.

Just because I know what it’s like to be female in a male dominated society doesn’t mean I know what it’s like to be black. Or Asian. Or intersex. Or trans. Or gay. Or female in a different culture. Or anything other than what I am. Likewise, just because I have friends who are black, asian, intersex, trans, gay… that doesn’t mean I know what it’s like to be them. You can’t know what you haven’t experienced. You can imagine, sure. You can read books about it or listen to someone discuss their experiences. But that’s not the same thing.

The Second Defense

The next thing people do is fake apologize. You know, those apologies that aren’t apologies at all but are instead an attack? Saying, “Do you want me to apologize for being white/male/whatever? Fine. I’ll apologize. I’m sorry I was born white/male/whatever.” And they say it in that way that implies they’re being reasonable and everyone else is unreasonable. And that… is a red herring. It has nothing to do with the issue at hand, and instead escalates conflict and makes it personal.

I’m going to say this repeatedly, because it’s important: No one is asking you to apologize for your birth. No one is asking you to apologize for things out of your control. This isn’t about YOU. 

You are being asked to listen. To acknowledge. You don’t have to do anything other than say, “I hear you.” If you want to say you’re sorry, go ahead. But say it out of sympathy, not because you’re angry or feel like you’re getting blamed. Say, “I’m sorry it was so hard.” Or, “I’m sorry shit like that happens.” And mean it. Don’t follow up with anything beginning with “but”. Lose the word “but” from your vocabulary.

Privilege means having advantages you didn’t earn. Go ahead and make use of your advantages; you don’t need to apologize. You don’t need to waste them. Just don’t be an ass to people without those advantages. Don’t tell them they’ve failed or could do better. Don’t assume you’re better than they are. Don’t judge them using a system that’s rigged in your favor. Don’t sit by while a friend behaves like an ass. I’m not sorry I was born into privilege; I’m really fucking grateful. I got a head start because of it. This, right now, is me trying not to sit by while other people behave like asses. And trying to understand my own privilege, so I’m not an ass.

It’s those of us who are privileged who most need to hear about it. And who are least willing to listen.

 

 

Addendum:

My friend, Ari, made a great comment on the facebook thread that I am including below.

It’s not really that people with relatively more privilege don’t get to have opinions, but that because our opinion is generally more valued and heard in our culture, we need to be mindful about making space for, listening to, and amplifying less privileged voices, and–particularly in spaces belonging to those with less privilege–being quiet unless we are asked to weigh in. I get to talk, as a white person, but I shouldn’t talk over people of color when the subject is the structural oppression they struggle with and their personal experiences with injustice (just using race as an example here).

And that’s hard to be mindful of, because literally everything in our culture is constantly reinforcing the idea that my thoughts, feelings, and ideas are just *worth more*, because I’m white. Having privilege makes it hard to be aware of privilege, and it’s really easy to start feeling devalued and even attacked when that gets called out, or when it’s clear that my voice is not dominant and welcome in the way I’m taught to expect. I just try to remind myself, you know, getting called out and learning to be a better person and to use my systemic advantage for good may be hard, but it’s not as hard as lacking those same systemic advantages.

A Moment of Appreciation For Deus Ex Human Revolution

Posted by diana

20130611051716!DeusExHumanRevolutionCoverIt’s really well written. I can’t speak to the overall plot yet, I’m about 15 hours into the game. However, the opening is so clean and effective. It’s really a pleasure to play through.

In broad, hopefully non-spoilery, strokes: within the first few minutes of the game you know who your character is (head of security for Sarif Industries), how he’s connected to the other characters (head researcher is his ex-gf, who he clearly still cares about, and who clearly still cares about him), and what his motivation is going to be. And it’s all handled so naturally. It’s not info-dumpy at all.

You start off with him chewing out a military official on the phone about providing stringent enough security when they arrive in DC. Which gives you a ton of useful information:

  1. He’s in charge of security
  2. The company he works for is powerful enough that military officials have to do what he says
  3. They’re going to DC very soon and it is a big deal
  4. The government cares about the company

All of that from just a few lines of dialog. Which is how it should be, but often isn’t. Beyond the dialog, the visuals tell the story quite well. Jensen (your character) is sitting in a relaxed position that shows confidence and control. The woman in the room with him is sitting hunched over a bit, tugging at her necklace. So she’s nervous about this upcoming trip, he’s not. There’s a news report going on in the background, talking about their impending senate hearing.

Jensen then teases her about destroying her necklace, which lets us know they know each other well enough for him to feel comfortable doing that. This isn’t a standard head of security and head researcher: they have a connection. He believes she’s brilliant and capable. She’s worried, but she’s okay with him talking to her like that. It’s great. Then their boss comes on over the communication screen telling them to get moving. In the following discussion, she tries to get Jensen to admit that he likes the boss just a little, which lets us know this position as head of security is relatively recent.

And I’m not going to go any further, because that would get spoilery. It isn’t a perfect game, and there are some things I take issue with: there’s a minor character whose dialog is straight out of the 50s era black maid stereotype (“I be’s here for you, Cap’n!”) and we do get a woman in a refrigerator.*

So far, I’m quite happy with the game.

 

*I don’t take issue with the dead/endangered loved one as motivation. I do take issue with it being so overused. And with the endangered loved one almost always being female.

 

Rape Culture Doesn’t Have to Be

Posted by diana

I would like to share a story from my college days. Relevant to the recent discussions of rape culture. (This shouldn’t be particularly triggery).

I’m hanging out with a group of friends at West Dorm, across the street from mine. It’s an engineering school, and the ratio is something like 4/1 male to female. So, the group is primarily male. I’m the only female in the room at this point. I think I’m also the youngest person present (I’m a sophomore, they’re all seniors). There has been drinking. Not me, because I haven’t been feeling great and I don’t really drink much anyway.

A few dorms away, there’s a party. Loud music. Lots of cheap booze. Some of the folks leaving the party will have to pass by West on their way home for the night. A guy and girl start arguing outside. It gets loud. It sounds like neither one is fully sober. It starts to get alarming. And you know what the guys I’m hanging out with do? These 22 year old guys who have been drinking and are not sober themselves, who live in a dorm that is known for partying hard and being crass? They go outside and SHUT THE GUY DOWN.

No violence. They tell him his behavior isn’t cool. They ask the girl if she’s okay and if she’d like an escort back to her dorm. She says yes and two of them walk her home. That’s all it takes. Just telling the guy it’s not cool. Walking a girl six blocks to make sure she gets home safe.

Those guys, the ones I was hanging out with? They got it. They spoke up when other guys behaved inappropriately toward women. They ostracized guys they knew to be sexual predators and backed up their female friends. They made sure to escort female friends they considered at risk. Hell, they did it for a total stranger. Even when drunk themselves.

I never felt at risk or unsafe with those guys. It sucks that their intervention, their protection, was necessary. But it was awesome that they did it and it was so intrinsic to who they were. Which is why, even though I haven’t seen or talked to most of them in ages, I still love them.

We don’t have to be trapped by rape culture. Those calls to action, asking men to speak up when they see other men harassing women? Those are completely on the money. It works.

 

 

Here are some excellent commentaries:

A Gentleman’s Guide to Rape Culture

Why Men Don’t See the Harassment Women Experience

http://www.marshall.edu/wcenter/sexual-assault/rape-culture/

 

On BDSM, Feminism, and Silly Statements

Posted by diana

Apparently there is this erotica novel, 50 Shades of Grey, that’s causing a kerfluffle. I have nothing to say about that. Haven’t read it, not sure if I will. But then I read this article, and really, I have to rant. Let me share with you the section that provoked my ire:

Amy Robach for NBC News says that the novel answers the age old question of what do women really want. Never mind being left breathless or captivated, says Robach, this book makes it clear that domination and submission are on the minds of most American women (emphasis mine).

“We had the women’s movement which really was about empowering women not to be submissive to men anymore. Now we’ve moved onto a new generation where women are more empowered than ever before, the glass ceiling has been broken and we have as much control as we want. And what are we longing for? A little bodice ripping,” answers author Laura Berman to NBC.

Sounds possible, right? But the problem here is perspective. This analysis is focused entirely on women and sex (both of which are fascinating topics and hey, who can blame a journalist for wanting to talk about either, much less both?) The idea is that somehow this desire to be personally dominated contradicts the desire to be professionally powerful. But that’s an incredibly short-sighted view, even assuming the article is correct in the generalization that the majority of American women want to be dominated. It’s about power and responsibility. It’s about freedom.

Did you know, the vast majority of clients for dominatrices are powerful men? CEOs, VPs, managers, venture capitalists. Men who make decisions all-fracking-day long. Men who are in charge. They pay good money-sometimes excellent money-to be dominated by someone else. Sex is often a component. But the sex isn’t the point.

The point is freedom. Not having to make decisions or take responsibility. The point is escaping pressure and guilt. When you’re the one in charge, your decisions matter. They affect everyone around you. It’s your fault if the company does poorly and you need to lay-off one third of your employees. Your responsibility, your guilt. In that context, the fantasy of letting someone else dominate you makes a hell of a lot of sense. For that brief span of time you don’t have to make decisions or take responsibility. Someone else gets the blame. Someone else decides whether you deserve punishment or reward. All you have to do is follow orders.

BDSM isn’t only about freedom, but that is a huge part of its appeal.

If, in fact, there is any correlation between women having more power now and wanting to be dominated, it is in no way a reversal of feminism. If anything, it’s an indicator that women truly are gaining more power, whether that be corporate or personal power. It means that powerful women have the same fantasies as powerful men. That looks a heck of a lot more like equality, to me.